GREG GUTFELD: Today, the box you check trumps the work you've done (2024)

Happy Tuesday, everybody. So the last time I looked, America was supposed to be a meritocracy. Ever since the Pilgrims landed, wherever, we knew, there'd be no welcome wagon. You had to work to eat and it wasn't like you could go running to H.R. if you weren't happy and had complaints. And for that reason, it was generally the best person who always got the job. Well, most of the time.

PICTURE OF BRIAN KILMEADE

Of course there were injustices, but we've always been a nation of achievers. I mean, look at me. Where else can a guy go from a humble Chippendales dancer to the king of late night? Yeah!

Stop with this spontaneous applause. [It's] on sale today wherever priceless works of art are sold, you could probably go to Amazon and get it right now. But things have changed. Meritocracy is now mediocrity. And I'm not just saying that because Jesse Watters has an 8 p.m. show. Why him? Why him? He even wonders that himself. Today, wherever Dems have power, the box you check trumps the work you've done. Let's start with national defense, where they promote generals like they're casting a commercial. After our hideous Afghanistan pullout, if you dared to suggest that Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin be fired, you had to be racist. Although the dude could lose a war to Menudo and keep adding to his pension. Of course, top General Mark Milley and national security adviser Jake Sullivan should have been fired, too. And they're as white as Elizabeth Warren.

White House National Security Adviser Jake Sullivan served as a foreign policy adviser for the Clinton campaign. (AP Photo/Andrew Harnik, File)

Jake Sullivan looks like an albino making a snow angel, and Milley looks like a mayonnaise sandwich. But the White House has been relentless in signaling its obedience to diversity. With Milley soon to retire as chairman of the Joint Chiefs, Biden's pushing General Charles Brown, Jr. Now, this is someone who prioritized DEI initiatives and once said flat out, "I hire for diversity." And this anti-meritocracy is all over. Take the Texas border. Millions of illegals already have. Texas is so desperate they're installing blow up pontoons in an attempt to harden their defenses. Yep, the nation that defeated Hitler and invented the nuclear bomb is now defending itself with balloons, which will only work until someone brings a safety pin. DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas, in charge of our border security, had this to say.

No, we didn't forget the clip. He had nothing significant to say. He never does.

But, you know, he only talks if it's to lie about his own personnel using whips to herd illegals, which never happened. So was this the best we could do? Meanwhile, our nation still produces 2000 tons of nuclear waste every year. And that's just from the sewers attached to The View's bathrooms. I know. It's disgusting. So, of course, the White House's main criterion for handling it was someone who checked a box that few even knew existed. Sam Brinton, a non-binary baldy, was named assistant secretary of spent fuel disposition, handling the nation's nuclear waste disposal. But after looking at him, the only part of that title that fits is Secretary.

(Department of Energy | Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department)

Although I wouldn't trust him to get his boss' coffee, he'd only steal the mug. He's been arrested for stealing luggage from airports a couple of times. Who did that background check? This guy?

PICTURE OF KAYLA LEMIEUX

Pete Buttigieg is the former mayor of South Bend, Indiana. Population 130,000. But he's gay, so why not make him secretary of transportation where he quickly took two months paternity leave off and right around when our supply chain began to stack up like the line at the pharmacy after Pride Month. What? I ended up having to treat my monkeypox with green tea and wet newspapers. Meanwhile, our airline industry currently runs about as smoothly as Joy Behar's colon after a White Castle run. But complain? You hate the gays. Does anyone really think Rachel Levine, the trans head of Health and Human Services, is a good choice who just said kids going through the wrong puberty should receive hormone injections?

Rachel Levine "Summer of Pride" (Screenshot: HHS/Instagram)

That sounds like child abuse to me. But kudos for pairing the right lipstick with a 5:00 shadow. This crap is reaching the local level, too. There's New Hampshire State Rep. Stacey Marie Lotten. What a looker! Trans activist. Now, despite a criminal past, she was endorsed by Beto O'Rourke and fart master Swalwell. And you know why. And yet she or it recently got busted for child p*rn. You can read up on it, but you're going to wish you hadn't. And then there's this higher.

ETHICS COMMITTEE WARNS SWALWELL AS INVESTIGATION INTO INTERACTIONS WITH CHINESE WOMAN CLOSES

VIDEO OF MONTAGE OF KARINE JEAN PIERRE: The president has done everything that he can. The president is doing everything that he can. He is doing everything that he can. We will do everything that we can. I don't have a policy update on that. But I know to tell you now, as I've been saying, we are doing everything that we can possibly. We're going to continue to do everything that we can. I don't have anything to preview for you.

I keep waiting for her to say "press one for more options." But she seems articulate compared to this crackpot up.

VIDEO OF KAMALA HARRIS LAUGHING

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See, I wish it was that funny, but this combination of Xanax and a banana peel could end up running the place. Now the left will turn the story around and say, "Oh, look, Whites are worried about losing out on jobs." Now, I don't want to be in government. I barely want to work. I just don't want to die because the person they choose is so f**** awful. You want the guy operating on your kid to be excellent or diverse? It's the only question that really matters, hell maybe the next diversity hire should be the pilot flying Air Force One. I wonder how that will go over literally.